Can you tell the difference between teasing and bullying?
For anyone working or volunteering with children and young people, it is important to distinguish between bullying, teasing and other behaviour that can cause unhappiness and distress.
Here are the four key indicators of bullying behaviour:
1. Bullying always hurts
Sometimes it is physical hurt, but it is always emotional hurt. Bullying wears down self-esteem and self-confidence because it makes people feel weak and inadequate.
2. Bullying is intentional
3. Bullying behaviour is usually repeated
Or, there is a threat that it will be repeated and the person who is bullied often lives in a constant state of worry and fear.
4. There is a power imbalance
The person who is being bullied is unable to prevent it happening. The imbalance can be caused by a number of factors such as age, size, physical or mental ability, ethnicity, religion, gender or actual or perceived sexual orientation. As the bullying relationship develops, the imbalance increases.
Why is bullying different to other behaviour?
Children experience a range of different situations as they grow up and at times some are unpleasant and cause distress. A child’s own actions can sometimes cause others to be unhappy. However, most of these experiences and actions do not amount to bullying.
For example:
Name-calling
Many children have nicknames given to them by their peers. Teasing between friends is acceptable when the permission is understood. But name-calling becomes bullying when the intention is to hurt, when the person using the name wants to cause offence and knows, or should know, that it is likely to.
Physical play and fun fighting
Sometimes children’s physical play involves fun or mock fighting that can seem serious. However, bullying is different because there is an intention to hurt and this includes continuing with the behaviour when they know someone is finding it unpleasant or painful.
Friendships
As children mature their interests develop and their friendships change. They may disagree and fall out, and may say things that are hurtful. When they stop playing and meeting together, one or both can feel excluded and experience a sense of loss. This becomes bullying when one or other continues to act in a way that deliberately causes further hurt. People who work with children need to help them to be sensitive and to understand the possible effects of their behaviour on others.
In conclusion:
Bullying is always intentional and the bully deliberately aims to hurt, whether physically or emotionally. It often occurs when there is a real or perceived power imbalance in a relationship and the bullying behaviour is usually repeated again and again.
There is much more information about bullying in the NSPCC EduCare course entitled ‘Preventing Bullying Behaviour’, available through the EduCare for Education duty of care and safeguarding service.
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