Is Your Child Fitting In At School?
Advice to parents whose child is starting a new school.
Starting at a new school can put an immense amount of pressure on a child (and their parents). Whether your child has just made the move to Key Stage 3, or has had to change Secondary School for any reason, it is important that you provide your child with the best start in their new environment. This is more important than ever given that recent Ofsted reports have indicated how critical this period can be.
Getting off to a good start can influence a child’s attitude, confidence, and performance both socially and academically. To help your child fit in, and to help you notice if they are not, we have put together some simple advice to make this stressful time for your family a little easier.
Show Them Respect
Between the ages of 11 and 14 children have the opportunity to show a great deal of responsibility. It is important as a parent to give your child the chance to make mistakes for themselves. As Suzie Hayman, the trustee of Family Lives, suggests: "It's about respect. It's about recognising that they want to be able to stand on their own two feet, and being there as the safety net when they fall back to you. And never, ever teasing them when that happens. You make the bed with the teddy bear, but on the other hand you wave them off with respect, and the idea that they can manage." You might want to buy your child a mobile phone as this allows them to contact you in emergencies but also helps them to make their own decisions, and friends, more easily. After all the average age at which a child gets their first mobile is 11.
Be Part of Their Social Life
It’s all about the balance of giving your child space, while maintaining a good social connection. If they are into sport or music, help them join the school team or band. Take interest in their hobbies, even if it’s a little thing like playing thirty minutes of a computer game with them each week. Or perhaps get them to invite their friends around for dinner, the more informal the better, you don’t want to encroach too much. These things will make you more approachable as parents should your child want to discuss anything. Most importantly, it is a great indicator as to how your child is getting on. If they shy away from the idea of inviting friends round or they appear isolated, it might be time for you to help!
Communication is Key
“Knowledge is the best tool to reduce anxiety and if you can uncover the basis for your child’s concerns, you will be better prepared to address them,” says Rhona M. Gordon. The stress your child is experiencing can manifest itself in many ways. A good point of contact can be the school. Have they noticed anything out of place in your child’s behaviour? Do keep in mind though how many new pupils they are expected to keep a check on. While teachers have a great deal of experience in pupil behaviour, numbers are not always on your child’s side.
Having a family routine can create great opportunities to communicate with your child. Often this revolves around having dinner together, but as we mentioned before, any chance to be involved in your child’s social life should be taken. Remember not to force anything, you want to breach the topic as naturally as possible. There are a great many reasons a child can feel they don’t fit in, or they have not been able to assimilate into their new environment. Not all of these can be solved by the parents alone; but the better you are at communicating with your child, the better chance you have of helping your child get the best from their new school.
